Happy Easter

A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the shelves. "What are you doing in there?" She asked.
The rabbit replied: "This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?"
To which the lady replied "Yes."
"Well," the rabbit said, "I'm westing."

Monitor Cleaner

Your screen looks a little dirty. So I sent you a monitor cleaner.

click the link:

https://emp.ucsd.edu/swf/screenclean.swf

Why trampolines are so dangerous

Some Crazy Laws

1. In Bozeman, Montana, a law prohibits all sexual activity from the front yard of a home after sundown.
2. In Salt Lake County, Utah, it's illegal to walk down the street carrying a violin in a paper bag.
3. In San Francisco, it's illegal to pile horse manure more than six feet high on a street corner.
4. In Devon, Texas, it is against the law to make furniture while you are nude.
5. In Oklahoma, you can be arrested for making ugly faces at a dog.
6. In California it is illegal for a vehicle without a driver to exceed 60 miles per hour.
7. In Florida men seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown can be fined.
8. In South Carolina it is legal to beat your wife on the court house steps on Sundays.
9. In Tennessee, you are breaking the law if you drive while sleeping...
10. In New York, the penalty for jumping off a building is: Death.
11. In Danville, Pennsylvania, all fire hydrants must be checked one hour before all fires.
12. In Pennsylvania, it's against the law to tie a dollar bill on a string on the ground and pull it away when someone tries to pick it up.
13. In New York City, it's illegal for a restaurant to call a sandwich a "corned beef sandwich" if it's made with white bread and mayonnaise.
14. In California it is illegal to set a mouse trap without a hunting license.
15. In France, it is against the law to sell an "E.T" doll. They have a law forbidding the sale of dolls that do not have human faces.
16. In Athens, Greece, a driver's license can be taken away if the driver is thought to be either "poorly dressed" or "unbathed"
17. In Calgary Alberta, there is still a by-law that requires businesses within the city to provide rails for tying up horses.
18. In Wilbur, Washington, it is illegal to ride an ugly horse.
19. In Louisiana, biting someone with your natural teeth is considered "simple assault," but biting someone with your dentures is "aggravated assault."
20. In the state of Washington, it is illegal to have sex with a virgin under any circumstances.
21. In Switzerland, it is illegal for a man to relieve himself while standing up after 10pm.( even with the light on? )
22. In Florida, it is illegal to fart in a public place after 6 P.M. on Thursdays.
23. In Massachusetts, it is illegal to go to bed without first having a bath.
24. In Jidda, Saudi Arabia, women were banned from using hotel swimming pools in 1979.
25. In Samoa, it's a crime to forget your own wife's birthday...

Baptising Kid

THE KISS

She is pregnant; he had just saved her from a fire in her house, rescuing her by carrying her out of the house into her front yard, while he continued to fight the fire. When he finally got done putting the fire out, he sat down to catch his breath and rest. A photographer from the Charlotte , North Carolina newspaper, noticed her in the distance looking at the fireman. He saw her walking straight toward the fireman and wondered what she was going to do. As he raised his camera, she came up to the tired man who had saved her life and the lives of her babies and kissed him just as the photographer snapped this photograph.

Redneck Tank Top

look closely...it took me a second or two....I think now I can say--'I've seen it all' Redneck tank top...seen recently at a tractor pull. gotta love it!

Blondes dont get the point

A blonde finds herself in serious trouble.

Her business has gone bust and she's in dire financial straits.

She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help.

She begins to pray...

"God, please help me. I've lost my business

and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well.

Please let me win the lottery ."

Lottery night comes, and somebody else wins.

She again prays... "God, please let me win the lottery!

I've lost my business, my house

and I'm going to lose my car as well."

Lottery night comes and she still has no luck.

Once again, she prays...

"My God, why have you forsaken me?

I've lost my business, my house, and my car.

My children are starving.

I don't often ask You for help, and I've always been a good servant to You.

PLEASE let me win the lottery just this one time so I can get my life back in order."

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open.

The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God, Himself...

"Sweetheart, work with Me on this....

Buy a ticket."

2 way mirror?

How can you tell when you are in a room, rest-room, motel etc. with a mirror or a 2-way glass?

Here's how: I thought it was quite interesting! And I know in about 30 seconds you're going to do what I did and findthe nearest mirror.
A policewoman who travels all over the U.S. and gives seminars and techniques for businesswomen passed this on. When we visit toilets, bathrooms, hotel rooms, changing rooms,etc., how many of you know for sure that the seeminglyordinary mirror hanging on the wall is a real mirror, or actuallya 2-way mirror (i.e., they can see you, but you can't seethem)? There have been many cases of people installing2-way mirrors in female changing rooms . It is very difficultto positively identify the surface by loo king at it. So, how do we determine with any amount of certainty whattype of mirror we are looking at?Just conduct this simple test: Place the tip of yourfingernail against the reflective surface and if there is a GAPbetween your fingernail and the image of the nail, then itis GENUINE mirror.However, if your fingernail DIRECTLY TOUCHES the image ofyour nail, then BEWARE! IT IS A 2-WAY MIRROR! "No Space, Leave the Place" So remember, everytime you seea mirror, do the "fingernail test." It doesn't cost youanything.
REMEMBER. "No Space, Leave the Place"

Ladies: Share this with your girlfriends, sisters,daughters, etc.

Men: Share this with your wives, daughters,daughters-in-law, mothers, girlfriends and/or friends.

120 Facts you WILL NOT find a Snapple Cap

1. 'Stewardesses' is the longest word typed with only the left hand.
2. And 'lollipop' is the longest word typed with your right hand. (Bet you tried this out mentally, didn't you?)
3. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
4. 'Dreamt' is the only English word that ends in the letters 'mt'.? (Are you doubting this?)
5. Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
6. The sentence: 'The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog' uses every letter of the alphabet. (Now, you KNOW you're going to try this out for accuracy, right?)
7. The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes). (Yep, I knew you were going to 'do' this one.)
8. There are only four words in the English language which end in 'dous': tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
9. There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: 'abstemious' and 'facetious.'
10. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
11. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
12. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
13. A 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
14. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
15. A snail can sleep for three years.
16. Almonds are a member of the peach family.
17. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
18. Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.
19. February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
20. In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
21. If the population of China walked past you, 8 abreast, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
22. Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors
23. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite!
24. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
25. The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
26. The cruise liner, QE 2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.
27. The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
28. The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.
29. There are more chickens than people in the world.
30. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
31. Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
32. The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV was Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
33. Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.
34. Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.
35. Coca-Cola was originally green.
36. It is impossible to lick your elbow.
37. The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000
38. Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
39. The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.
40. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king in history: Spades - King David Hearts - Charlemagne Clubs -Alexander, the Great Diamonds - Julius Caesar
41. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
42. If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
43. If you were to spell out numbers, you would have to write until you got to One Thousand to find an "a".
44. The only food that never spoils is honey
45. In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase "goodnight, sleep tight."
46. It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.
47. In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them "Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down." It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"
48. Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.
49. Don't delete this just because it looks weird. Believe it or not, you can read it. "I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the human mnid aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a word are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. "
50. Einstein couldn't speak fluently when he was nine. His parents thought he might be retarded.
51. In Los Angeles, there are fewer people than there are automobiles.
52. Every person has a unique tongue print.
53. Your right lung takes in more air than your left one does.
54. Women's hearts beat faster than men's.
55. Pollsters say that 40 percent of dog and cat owners carry pictures of the pets in their wallets.
56. About a third of all Americans flush the toilet while they're still sitting on it.
57. You're more likely to get stung by a bee on a windy day than in any other weather.
58. An average person laughs about 15 times a day.
59. Research indicates that mosquitoes are attracted to people who have recently eaten bananas.
60. Penguins can jump as high as 6 feet in the air.
61. The average person is half an inch taller upon rising in the morning.
62. A sneeze zooms out of your mouth at up to 600 m.p.h.
63. Thomas Edison was afraid of the dark.
64. A Saudi Arabian woman can get a divorce if her husband doesn't give her coffee.
65. In 1980, there was only one country in the world with no telephones - Bhutan.
66. The average bank teller loses about $250 every year.
67. Bubble gum contains rubber.
68. You can only smell 1/20th as well as a dog.
69. The sound of E.T. walking was made by someone squishing her hands in Jello.
70. Most American car horns honk in the key of F.
71. Every time Beethoven sat down to write music, he poured ice water over his head.
72. In 75% of American households, women manage the money and pay the bills.
73. A monkey was once tried and convicted for smoking a cigarette in South Bend, Indiana.
74. Some toothpaste brands contain antifreeze.
75. Sigmund Freud had a morbid fear of ferns.
76. Only 55 percent of all Americans know that the sun is a star.
77. Millie the White House dog earned more than 4 times as much as President Bush in 1991.
78. There are more plastic flamingos in America than real ones.
79. Most lipstick contains fish scales.
80. Mosquitoes have teeth.
81. Spotted skunks do handstands before they spray.
82. Hypnotism is banned by public schools in San Diego.
83. When snakes are born with two heads, they fight each other for food.
84. Most cows give more milk when they listen to music.
85. On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.
86. All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.
87. Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there.
88. Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least 6 feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.
89. The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as substitute for blood plasma.
90. No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times.
91. In the course of an average lifetime you will, while sleeping, eat 70 assorted insects and 10 spiders.
92. 1 in every 4 Americans has appeared on television.
93. You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
94. Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty years of age or older.
95. The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
96. The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.
97. A Boeing 747s wingspan is longer than the Wright brother's first flight.
98. Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
99. The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen's "Born in the USA."
100. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
101. The 57 on the Heinz ketchup bottle represents the number of varieties of pickles the company once had.
102. The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.
103. Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.
104. The first owner of the Marlboro company died of lung cancer.
105. Pearls melt in vinegar.
106. It takes 3,000 cows to supply the NFL with enough leather for a year's supply of footballs.
107. Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.
108. The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.
109. It is possible to lead a cow upstairs, but not downstairs.
110. Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks; otherwise it will digest itself.
111. If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib.
112. In Scotland, a new game was invented. It was entitled Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden....and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.
113. If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would haveproduced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
114. If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
115. The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
116. A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starvesto death.
117. The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attachedto its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
118. The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
119. The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
120. A cat's urine glows under a black light.

Now, maybe you can be the smartest person in the crowd.

Saving money

This is a site worth saving. Just enter your zip code in the site below, and it tells you which gas stations have the cheapest prices (and the highest) on gasoline in your zip code area. It's updated every evening.
http://autos.msn.com/everyday/gasstations.aspx?zip=&src=Netx